So much for my noble idea about blogging...and when to satrt such a venture.

Sadly, I didnt continue blogging because I couldnt figure out how to access the blog. It can be so hard for a woman of my years to totally get the hang of this technology thing. I can use it but its not intuitive to me - not totally natural. And pateince is not one of my strong suits.

But here I am, back again, and hopefuly I'll be able to develop some kind of rhythm, something that fits into my lifestyle and needs.

I have some goals for this blog. I want it to help center me and help me lead a good life - one that is positive and aligned with my purpose. That much has held true in the past few months. But my ability to actually behave in a positive way has defintiely deteriorated recently. I guess its a combination of things - the kids growing up, dealing with a tough work situation, frustration with my size. Nothing earth shattering and nothing drastci. But my ATTITUDE, my way of looking at things, has been far more negative than I would like.

So, its time to do something about that.

I am a big believer in the idea that you dont have many different relationships with different people but rather one realtionship with everyone. i seem to have assumed the role of "person taken advantage of" in my life's play and I dont like it. Reminds me of the trapped way I felt when I was married and couldnt make JPC behave the way I wanted him to. I am not proud of the way I acted back then - perhaps this is a way for me to prove that I have learned that lesson and I can figure out how to stand up for myself with dignity and grace and not by judging anyone else.

I do need to move away from are
controlling others actions (or trying to)
judging people when they dont behave the way I think they should
thinking its bad that my preferred timeline isnt being adhered to

Things I want to work towards are
having faith that things are working out they way they should - according to a better schedule than I could ever imagine
focus on the good things in my life
compassion towards others who are at different stages in their life than I am

One of the best places to start is always from a place of gratitiude. Taking notice and writing down the things that I am grateful for - the mini miracles in my life - is very important. So, for today, here's what I am thankful for.

After a relatively mild few weeks of winter, its become numbingly cold - it would be easy to complain but I am instead aware that my kids dont have midterms today so i dont ahve to worry about them walking home from school in the frigid weather. And although the weather will continue over the weekend, we have no real plans so we can stay in and toasty warm the whole time. I am also grateful that I was given the help I needed to proactively do something from my "list" and tomorrow is defensive driving day.

And goal setting is also helpful. the universe rewards action over inaction every time. So I want to learn to upload pictures to this blog. Learn photo editing skills. Learn to work my camera on manual. And learn to enjoy my life more.